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Home  >   Ask Mattamnuel (love advice from a real lover)   >   Getting my husband to agree to a threesome
If you are looking for love advice from a real lover please let me inform you that you have found the place.

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Getting my husband to agree to a threesome

hi, I've wanted to have a threesome for a very long. I have spent many hours doing research into finding the third partner for such a thing, and have already come up with several candidates with background checks. The problem is that I don't know how to finally ask my husband if he would be willing to partake of one. I've discussed this sort of thing with him in the past, and each time he shrugs it off or tells me that I am crazy if I think he will participate. I really want this to happen, though. The prospect of having more than one other body rolling around and getting sweaty makes me very, very excited. After 15 years of marriage I feel that I need a little bit of a change in our sexual routines. He doesn't. What is the best way to convince him that allowing another man into our bedroom is a good idea?

yours and yours in Fort Worth,


Answers (not necesarilly from the Mattmanuel)

I feel your pain.

Well, no, actually I can't relate at all, but I CAN relate to your husband. Even if he is pretty comfortable with himself, he might be uncomfortable with watching another guy have intercourse with his wife.

Anyway, if you really want this to work, I suggest you find a guy who is less well hung than Lawrence Hornlauer...http://www.moviecall.org/forum/viewtopic.php?t=68

And if I were your husband, I think I would like to have a threesome with a really hot girl, with big breasts. Yeah, that would do it.

well, if he doesnt want to do it, hes not ever going to want to. even if he agreed to do it just to please u, knowing he didnt like it, would it make u happy knowing what hes doing he hates? just ask him if like u could do it with 2 other people and not him, if this is something u really wanna do, who knows maybe hell agree to it, just give it a go Laughing

What's a threesome? Is that like a Three Muskateers bar? Who wouldn't want one of those?

three muskateer's bars are nasty, its snickers all the way Very Happy

Billy is soooooooo dumb. A threesome, AKA a menage a tois, is where three people have sex with each at the same time. It's not like a Three Muskateers or Snickers Bar. In the scheme of chocolate bars it's like a Milky Way. You have your creamy nougat below the hard caramel while the chocolate covers both of them in the meantime. It's not true that he won't ever agree to this either. It's like when you're a kid and you hate eggplant because you don't know how good eggplant can be. It's a matter of making the eggplant palatable.

Here's the crux of the problem as I see it: you have your heart set on having this threesome with your husband and another man. Your husband is most likely, as William put it, uncomfortable with the idea of having another man having sex with his wife. This is a problem that men seem to run into when considering the menage a tois, except in reverse, as men, I think, have a tendency to fantasize about having two women at once. If you really want for this two men on you thing to occur, maybe you should compromise for a bit. Consider the menage a tois with another woman first. Your husband is more likely to find this arrangement more comfortable. He does not have to compete, as men do, with penis size, stamina, nor feel that his wife will find the third person a better lover in general. Of course there might still be some trepidation on his part into the whole thing, but all the same it will make him feel more at ease with the whole idea.

If you do go this initial route and both of you are comfortable with having the third person involved in your sexual escapades, then perhaps it would be easier to persuade your husband that having the third man might not be so bad.

Also, instead of trying to set the whole situation up yourself, maybe you should see if he would have any interest helping pick the guy or girl out. How would you feel if you came home one day and your husband was with another woman and he says to you, "honey, tonight were gonna have sex with Charlene here"? Probably not so good since you'd be wondering who the hell this "Charlene" is and if there's been something going on for awhile. If you really want to have your husband included in the threesome you really need to have in included from the get go.

Another thing you might try is to start watching pornography together, if you haven't already. Try viewing things with a variety of situations, including guy-guy-girl configurations. Seeing situations that you would like to occur can help ease his mind into accepting another man into your bedroom.

But even after all of this, it comes down to his comfortablity in with the idea. It may happen, it may not happen. If you've done all you could to make him consider the situation,and he still doesn't want to do it,then you're just out of luck. Take up a couple lovers on the side. It happens all the time, and while not the most ideal sitaution, and could lead to marital disaster, if it's really what you want, then that may be the only solution.

Happy copulating,


First off, let me say I`m sickened by your thoughts, I don`t think your husband has any wants of you having sex with another man as much as you have any wishes he`d go and screw some other girl. Think about what reasons he has for the answer 'no' before you go and think that he`s just being unfair, you sound like a child...

True Reviewers, Unknown Advice...Movie Call is exploding!

It's not too wrong to have a 3some, but it's certainly not right for one who willing to have a long term mutual relationship with their friend/spouse. 3some will turn you on for a few hours, and then will knock you down for agres.


Not necessarily. If both agree to a threesome, maybe they just want some excitement to the relationship or just to try something different. As long as both know that it is a one time thing just to explore new things, I dont think it is a problem. Im not saying that one peroson might enjoy it so much that they want to do it again, but the other person doesnt, and that could cause a big confrontation...it could happen, but if it's a one time casual thing, I dont think in the long run it would be hurting anybody.

From: BOB
Location: MICHIGAN
Sex: male
Age: 18
Favorite Movie: -

Dear Mattmanuel,



its great to be selfish, even annoying at times to your partner, it is the bad parts that save relationships. Anyway a threesome threatens the way of society, how can you trust someone who is having sex with another at the same time? The answer is simple. Tell the love of your life your direct feelings, dont even hold back at all...

Do you all really think they are that spectacular that you are willing to risk a good relationship to find out? My god, I have been in a few in my day and I can tell you now that while they were entertaining at the time, I would have much prefered sex with one guy whos attention was all on me. 3somes are dull, there is always one person left out for periods of time and they are never as exciting as your mind conjures them up to be. Some things are best left to the mind. Now that I am older, the one crazy sex act I regret the most is the 3somes. They ended up hurting someones feelings and complicating things. I would never do them again.

And my god, the double standards are unbelievable on here. Well, quite believable actually. Of course few guys would allow another man in the picture for the women...so why should we hop into bed with the other girl? So typical and cliche.

Uh. The one who keeps saying "Oh my god".. So it sounds as if you have been hurt before. Maybe you were the 3rd individual in the Threesome?

This breings a new point to the topic. Personally, I think that I am insane with an IQ too high for my own good. I am smart and funny and probably too sexual. I think they call it the Benjamin Pendleton disease... not sure though. Anyways, I think that at one point that "My god, not another Threesome issue.." made was actually new to the whole thing. HE/SHE may have not even seen it though. So a threesome can be exciting for both sides. A man having two women, or a women having two men, or what ever pleases you. But when it comes down to it, who is the 3rd mate? In this case it was the anonymous person above this reply. See the hurt? He/She is feeling leftout and I can understand that. He/She feels used. Well, you were.. and thats the life you chose.

Now for the real stuff. Threesome. Its a fantasy that does happen for some. Mostly those that push it. Does it make us bad people? Who knows. I dont think there is a doctor out there that really can answer that... heck.. anyone that does is just as horney as those of us reading this site. So.. lets just do this. Lets make our own site called.. we are horny and we dont care.

Threesomes, Twosomes, Affairs, whatever... They all have good and bad.. Just like life.. so make your own choice. Dont listen to a stupid post on the web!!! You are as crazy or insane or normal as you want to be.

I leave thee in a last word.
Benjamin Pendleton is crazy, insane, perverted, horny .... yet very smart.

I love 3somes

My husband has a guy join us and I find a lady sometimes. Key is the ability to say no thanks and for open communication

Well 'Guest', if that's your real name... If you are so damn smart you should know or have done some research, which showed you that relationships ended in an average of 3 yrs within 3 out of 4 monogamous couples surveyed that decided to have a threesome. I think if all are friends, threesomes can work, but if the relationship started out as a loving one on one thing, that the addition of a 3rd party puts too much of a strain on things. This has been my experience with them and that is exactly what I stated. I just think somethings are best left in the fantasyland of your head. Yeah? If you day dream of murdering someone should you just go ahead and screw the consequences and do it?

If the couple is open from the start of the relationship about what they want and they are a kinky bunch, then hell go do it. But if one member has the slightest doubt, it will come back to haunt them and things will start to break down and resentment will well up. I've seen it a number of times and it is human nature...plain and simple.

Are you saying that I shouldn't murder someone on impule?

oh.... fuck...

I'm in trouble now. Well, at least I can plead ignorance, right?

As far as the original posting on this site, there's no way you should try to push your husband into having a threesome with you and another man. By your comments, I can easily tell that he is VERY uncomfortable with the idea. This could lead to a big disaster! You must explore this idea with him in slow, gradual steps. As somebody mentioned earlier, start with watching pornos of threesomes. Then, start talking dirty to each other during sex...pretending like you are with another man or woman or that he's with another woman. Then, try mixing the two together by talking dirty, watching a porno, and having sex at the same time.

Keep in mind that this should be a slow process...at least a year. Before a committed couple has a threesome, it should be a well thought out process. It should not be spontaneous because this is where you can run into trouble. Also, a tip for all men who have a male, female, female threesome...at least the first few times you do it, do NOT cum while having sex with the other female. If he's not comfortable with the above activities, there is no way in hell he's going to agree to have a threesome with you and another man.

Now if you can get your husband to feel comfortable with the above listed activities, then you can try to pursue this idea. Other ways to explore threesomes are by getting lap dances from strippers, or by possibly getting an escort. That way you can go at your own pace and have complete control of the situation and pull the plug on the who idea if you want.

Let me share with all of you a story of a perfect threesome that I experienced. Before I got married, I was seeing this girl who I stayed friends with after we separated. We'll refer to her as Jasmin. My wife is bi-sexual and was involved with a couple of women before we got married. Therefore, "we" always fantasized about having a threesome. A group of my friends went on a road trip once to see a concert.

Therefore, my wife and Jasmin were able to spend some time together, and my wife ended up wanting her. The next morning my wife and Jasmin took a shower together where my wife gave Jasmin her first bi experience. I did not participate, but my wife seeked my approval before making a move on Jasmin.

After a few weeks, and after my wife and Jasmin talked a few times, after my wife and I talked a few times, and after Jasmin and I talked a few times, we had a threesome on my birthday. My wife is turned on by the idea of watching me have sex with Jasmin, I'm turned on by the idea of watching the two of them have sex, and the three of us are comfortable with all being involved at the same time. My wife and I are both aggressive, and Jasmin is passive and prefers to be dominated.

My wife and I have sex daily, so we prefer to give Jasmin all of the attention when she's with us. Therefore, she never feels like the "third person" because most of the time she's the center of attention. Before we had the threesome, Jasmin and I had sex, Jasmin and my wife had sex, and of course my wife and I have had sex. Therefore, the threesome that we engaged in was very comfortable for all parties and was the perfect fit. Again, threesomes should be well planned if you don't want to ruin a good, long relationship. Having a great sex life always involves tremendous communication on both sides. Communication is definitely the key to having a great threesome experience. Take your time, plan it out, and when the opportunity arrives, fuckin' enjoy it!

Well, at least the lights are on.

I'm a married guy to a great & sexy wife and we have developed a great relationship through both the worst and the best of times. As relationships go we have been in a rut for periods and intimacy and open communication has taken a back seat. We were introduced to a woman by a social friend a couple years ago and have seen her on a casual/social level a couple times a month or more over the period.

In the last few months I found myself flirting heavily with this woman (not wife) and having some conversation that would generally speaking be inappropriate. It has been clear for some time that she swings and each to their own. Neither my wife nor my self is hung up on sexuality or spirituality so this was not a social turn off.

Reality is that recently the conversations have turned more sexual and I was asked in private if she though my wife would be interested in a threesome. I was also flattered from a self-esteem level as I found the woman attractive. I had significant conversations with the gal on this subject, along with the no wreckage/no hurt it's all good policy. Up to this point I had no physical contact with the woman outside of hugs however it was pretty clear the wife or not the next level was shag. Which of course has it's own subset of issues about safety plus I had a slight hint that she played around with smack a little.

Well a week or so ago I decided to ask my wife about the threesome possibility, which I approached on an exploratory level (like the coward I am). She dismissed it out of hand so I pushed the issue and the light went off in my wife's head that something was up with this woman. I decided to openly tell all, or at least 80% trying to avoid trivialities through dumping too much information. It was pretty darn honest and frank.

We hashed this out for a few days, meantime our sex life shot to a level not seen since we were dating and remains that way. Our feeling and communications are open and great and we are doing great. Sadly in retrospect if we were better at communicating none of this would have happened. Agreed not hate or anger towards the other woman as we had benefited by the event and I was largely to blame. All good, etc.

So no threesome, great results as marriage derailment averted eh?.... Well the problem was I felt compelled to tell this other woman with exactly the same openness and honesty what I had told my wife as I had shared a lot of my conversations with her with my wife, which I also told my wife (send me to grammar school please) I did. The other woman was floored however not pissed off and really seemed happy that I had it going on. She wanted to speak to my wife to clear the air so we informally agreed to meet at a club a few days later.

The day came but with it brought an unrelated tragedy which kind-of bummed us out so moods were not great. As the evening unfolded there was a hit and miss between the girls to talk privately (lots of people) and after a couple of hours it was clear that everyone at the club new what was up. My wife decided not to address it with her that night as the circus had come to town and we were it.

Well the end of the evening came the other lady pushed and wife told her in a full bathroom to stay the F-away from hubby, yada-yada-yada. Not a pretty scene and one-sided conversation.

I'm posting this as I have a lot of guilt over causing hurt both to all parties. While the end result in our case was excellent the hurt (and social embarrassment) caused was perhaps not avoidable but significant.

Taking ownership of the event and looking at what happened and what could have happened I think that the idea of threesomes, while erotic and hot, is probably something that cannot be managed well without a level of maturity (and interest) that I have yet to encounter in my life.

Thanks for letting me share. While I do feel like the A-hole of the year at least there's closure, but folks life I think is too tough to go around leaving sorrow and emotional wreckage in peoples lives. Then again hey maybe I just imagined the whole thing, eh?

The Guilt-Ridden Royal Ahole Rick

I think all the trouble starts when you start to plan it...If the moment presents itself and you and the old lady are game for a little randy fun then go for it...Just beware...your little shity world will never be the same!

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