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Home  >   Ask Mattamnuel (love advice from a real lover)   >   Wants to jizz like a pro...
If you are looking for love advice from a real lover please let me inform you that you have found the place.

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Wants to jizz like a pro...

From: Guy
Location: Bloomington
Sex: male
Age: 26
Favorite Movie: Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back

Dear Mattmanuel,

Hi. I have been looking all over the internet for help with this. I would like it if my semen would "shoot" out of my penis like they do in porn movies. Right now it just dribbles out. Is there any technique I can use to help the distance the semen goes? Thanks.


Answers (not necesarilly from the Mattmanuel)

Well Guy, I'm glad you asked.

Before I continue I have some questions for you though:
1. Why do you want to jizz like a pro?
2. Are you trying to impress a special someone?
3. Is the special someone, someone other than yourself? (i hope)

While it may be shameful to want to jizz like a pro merely for your own satisfaction while masturbating, we're not here to judge how pathetic your life is, even on a relative scale established by your own qualifications (although for a 26 yr-old male whose favorite movie is Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, wanting to jizz all over the room while masturbating is actually not relatively very pathetic).

We're here to help. My first bit of advice to you might as well come from God's own mouth, because my mom told it to me when I asked her about your problem: For the love of baby Jesus, don't stroke it 4 times a day!

Once you've stopped compulsively masturbating you'll give your testicles a chance to catch up with you. You'll actually be able to generate enough semen that a somewhat more explosive ejaculation can be had.

Another thing to practice (especially if you have a partner, as you do have to keep their pleasure in mind) is stamina. Don't blow your wad too quickly, and the energy will build the longer you can hold it back. You run the risk of holding back too much and losing the excitement, but you'll get it back. I've actually heard it said that you'll have a more prodigious ejactulation if you masturbate almost to the point of orgasm roughly an hour before sex. This takes willpower, as stopping at that point, I hear, can be tough.

Good luck in making a mess!

Sure, the way to make your semen shoot farther....well there are a few ways actually. First, STOP JACKING OFF SO OFTEN! Heh, just kidding you. In reality, the longer you make yourself wait to cum, the more intesified all of your sexual organs get. That's why foreplay is a MUST as well. So try to prolong the ejaculation for as long as you can stand it; you'll see the results. Mr. Green


Isn't there, like, a kung foo hold that could help too?
Yah, holding back... but isn't it all in the grasp? Like a cow teet?


This sounds like its been tested by one E.L. Splizza.

Question What if you ate nothing but pop rocks for a week straight? The propulsion in the candy must count for some sort of expelant... You'd think you could wield it like a firehose after that! Question

You guys are freaking me out. I'm just a little kid!

What if you ate nothing but pop rocks for a week straight? The propulsion in the candy must count for some sort of expelant... You'd think you could wield it like a firehose after that!


In the end don't you get better at it the same way you better at most things.


It's like shooting a basketball baby!

i'm gonna have to side with eliot and the person after him who basically gave exactly the same advice.

Too much practice will probably be a bad thing... practice not practicing.

Rolling Eyes

From: STAN
Location: Boston
Sex: male
Age: 23
Favorite Movie: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Dear Mattmanuel,

I read in a medical article and this Doc was claiming that it just ain't possible -- not of his knowledge -- to increase the volume of your semen (sperm or cum whatever)...and I really wanna do just this....any help out there? Also I do it more when I eat lots of bananas and I hate bananas...so what is it that causes so much more sperm or semen etc?

Help me out...please!!!!!


Hey engagedchickwholikessex,

Grow up.

Fuck You Heart ,


Also I do it more when I eat lots of bananas and I hate bananas...so what is it that causes so much more sperm or semen etc?

I got a really weird mental image there.
Does anybody else get the willies when they picture guys eating bananas like its their job, AND wanting to jizz like a pro? I've never viewed myself as a normal girl, but as long as you don't pull a Houdini on me, baby batter is baby batter.

There are plenty of things on the market that claim they increase sperm count, ect. If you want to go to your doctor and pretend that this is all for fertility purposes, you may have a shot at something, but the stuff that claims you can 'jizz like a pro' is crap. Honestly, if there was something like that out there, you have to ask yourself "wouldn't every guy be taking it?". Anyhow, in my experience, the only way to get more out of your load is to not do it as often so you build it up. The biological bit is that if you go for a long time without any release, you'll have one anyway (in your sleep usually) because biologically you need to flush out the old and bring in the new. I know that if I get it on with my guy a number of days in a row his amount is decreased, whereas if we wait 2 days, it's a lot more. So there you have it. Don't look for miracle cures that don't exist, you'll always be disappointed. Wink

I'm not 100% sure about this but I think the fact that eating lots and lots of bananas increases the volume of your you-know-what and you also hate bananas points to what we already know.

You are a closeted homosexual.

The signs are all there.

Do all men grow up to be total dweebs and dorks? I gonna make like Peter Pan and fly.

Second star to the left is me,
Billy Pan

look you can beat off all you want...the way the pornstars bust so much is by taking...........Vitamin E...this is no bs I promise results...take 2 for breakfast lunchand dinner...it sounds crazy but its all natural, I usually get around 6 big squirts but maybe i was wrong you cant jerk off to much lol...vitamin E does the job tho I got 105 gel caps for 6.99. By the way remember to get the liquid Gel kind and not the tablet kind (like centrum)

Just a word to all you jizzmaster wannabes out there: Use caution when someone suggests that you start using vitamin or herbal supplements. Consult your physician if you really want to start taking excess amounts of any supplement.

That said, I've done a little research, and it looks like excess vitamin E has not proven toxic in any way to humans.

I found this link that relates vitamin E to lower semen production in "cocks" (by which I'm assuming they mean birds):


and this, stating that vitamin E, among other things improves the quality (not quantity) of sperm:


and this, that talks a bit about how to masturbate, and some tips to help you. Look specifically for the paragraph headed "the E-ticket":


and just a note to uncalled4: your body manufactures semen, so yes, if you masturbate too frequently it won't have time to catch up. Try beating off 5 or 6 times in a day and tell me if you jizz as much each time.

Hey Guy? How far do you want to go? More than a foot and you'll get it on your keeyboard. That might be it though. Are you shooting for the "F-keys" Any farther than that and you'll have to clean your monitor before your mommy gets home.

Very Happy Hey dudes, if you would like your prostrate to empty fully, increasing load and propulsion. you should try and massage your prostrate! I'm not gay but lived with an older woman for a few years when i was 19. When she wanted a facial she would insert a finger or dildo in my arse and massage my prostrate. I had a problem with it at first until I saw the amount of load i let go and i've never looked back. You should rub your finger about 3cm-5cm inside your arse at the base of your penis. Believe me it works 100%. thats why you don't see the arse of the porn star with the dick. Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy you get that drained ache after one climax not three!

Oh yeah, just like in Road Trip.

well............. i dunno wat to say Embarassed im a girl and i dont know much about this kind of stuff....... Embarassed maybe if you squeeze your self before it comes out???? Shocked itll shoot like a rocket!!!a flying cheeseball bomb!

Cheeseball Ray Ray wrote:
well............. i dunno wat to say. im a girl and i dont know much about this kind of stuff....... maybe if you squeeze your self before it comes out???? itll shoot like a rocket!!!a flying cheeseball bomb!

Maybe the next time you "dunno wat" to say you should squeeze yourself before you start typing. A thought might shoot out like a rocket! A flying, coherent thought!

grip the penis with your hand and with your index finger press on the tube in the middle of the underside of the penis, trust me you will shoot nice and far like a pro....someone told me that:)

Don't masturbate for two weeks!

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